FINALLY: A Solution Made for Parents & Caregivers To Address The Challenges Of Online Pornography For Young People

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...no homework, memorization, CD’s, workbooks, or software required!

Never in the history of mankind has this amount of pornography been so available to everybody at any age. In order to tackle this problem, we as a adults, parents, and caregivers must step up and communicate around the shame that can hurt our young people!

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You might think that this can wait until next week, or the next birthday or next summer; it can’t.
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I am a dad, and a pretty decent middle school volunteer basketball coach...

I love coaching basketball! Any age, and team.

When I would start a season with any new team I would gather the players and their parents together in the gym on the first day of practice and go over the rules. One of the rules that I had for the parents was: please cheer in the past tense. “Nice shot” or “nice pass” and not “shoot it” or “pass it.” It worked like a charm and the last season I coached, the team went undefeated: 12-0 in the season and 3-0 in the end of season tournament. It was great! The players told their parents that what they liked about their coach was that I was firm, direct and funny, and never hurt anyone's feelings. They liked that I told them exactly how it was. I am doing the exact same thing here regarding online pornography exposure.

Online pornography is a challenge for our young people.

It creates shame, can increase other challenges that our young people are already experiencing and can take away the joy young people can feel about discovering who they are as they grow into adolescence. What came out of those many years of coaching experience was an ability to communicate with both parents and their young people at the same time, in a way that they could both understand and absorb. This may sound like a very obvious conclusion, but trust me there were real challenges. I realized that without the buy-in from parents, my middle school aged basketball teams did not have a chance; and if the players weren’t “in” we were going to have a very long season. Parents are the solution to any challenge for young people and without them, without their buy-in, we don’t stand a chance.

"Coach John"
The Third Talk™ Founder, SME

I am attacking the exposure to online pornography for our young people in the EXACT same way, namely by working with the parents.

I have a comfort level discussing this with both parents and children, and from the responses I have received from parents and young people they feel the same way about me. I’m a dad, not a doctor, I’m a coach not a therapist. I am addressing this challenge for young people head on, with truth and facts and a very strong belief that our nation's young people simply should not view this content. I have been called a “lecturer” a “sexual health consultant” and a “subject matter expert''. I prefer the term coach; a coach in the prevention of the exposure of online pornography to our young people.

Online pornography exists.

I do not endorse online pornography for grown-ups; nor do I condem it. I am not a pro-porn apologist, and I am also not waiting idly by for some organization to remove pornography from the Internet. I believe that is a fools errand because just like prohibition many adult people happily consume online pornography. Many organizations have failed in their attempt to “remove porn from the Internet” for decades. I cant help thinking that if we had spent that time educating our kids about the harm pornography could have on them emotionally, we wouldn’t have a young person pornography problem today. Pornography is legal, it is protected by the first amendment, and no matter how you or I may feel about that, that is not going to change any time soon. In my lectures I say that “I am addressing online pornography exposure to our young people in the world in which our children are currently growing up, not in the world in which I wish they were growing up.” Look around, there are lots of things that we would change to make the world a better place. Shaking our fist at any problem gets us nowhere. Regardless I am addressing online pornography prevention the way it is here and now in 2020.

I believe that sexuality is a wonderful element to being human and that we owe it to our young people to educate them within our own families' value system; and NOT to let porn do that for us. Pornography to me, (like smoking or drinking), is a decision that grown people make for themselves. Young people however is a very different story to me. I do not believe that any young person should view pornography, (or smoke or drink), and that it is 100% up to the parents to be sure that young people don’t watch pornography. If your young person drinks Budweiser, you would have a tough time convincing me that it was the fault of Anheuser Busch.

A movement WITHOUT an alternative agenda.

When I began this effort in 2017, I looked to see what other resources were out there, and I did find some. I take my hat off to any organization addressing this challenge, because I know how difficult it can be. What I also realized however was that most solutions had an alternative agenda; be that religion, or ideology or to sell products. I thought that could create too small a tent to affect real change. I purposefully created The Third Talk™ to follow one simple mantra: young people should not watch online pornography, every parent has this issue and that communication is the solution to this challenge. We as parents NEED to communicate with each other regarding online pornography without any alternative agenda, no matter how noble.

Online pornography is a gender neutral challenge. It is also a socio-economic, education, race, belief system neutral challenge and affects our young people in the exact same way; it provides them a false narrative about sexual interactions between real people.

Porn is NOT real;
if we can just get that point across nationally...
...then we win.

Let's win together.

GET STARTED

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What parents and the experts
are saying about
The Third Talk™...

“The Third Talk has a message that parents need to hear. If someone had told me that having a conference room sized discussion about children being exposed to online pornography could be light and easy, I would have thought they were joking. John’s ability to deliver clear and concise information about the hazards of online pornography exposure to children is wonderful. He is well read and confident, without an ounce of apology or shame. He just makes it easy to discuss this otherwise tricky and difficult topic.

Mari Pokornowski
Executive Director
North Carolina State PTA

“I have worked in law enforcement for over 24 years and have seen all kinds of bravery. Standing up in a room full of people to address a topic that has been mostly ignored is brave, especially a topic as provocative as online viewing of pornography by young people. John is brave. John has put his name and reputation on the line publicly, to assist our parents and their children defend against a huge and mostly silent challenge for our children; namely the volume of pornography kids see at very early ages.”

Major Robert Ramirez
Investigations Commander
Fayetteville Police Department

John is addressing a difficult and prolific problem in our State and around the country. I know him to be thoughtful, careful, professional and even funny. His lectures at our trainings routinely receive the highest marks from the participating Administrators, counselors and teachers, and we look forward to his upcoming teachings... He has opened my eyes to a challenge in our State for young people that I was not fully aware of, and solving it with grace and care. I recommend John’s approach to online pornography and the harm it can cause young children.”

Karen Fairly
Assistant Director
North Carolina Center for Safer Schools

“I support John Van Arnam and his program called The Third Talk™. It is a smart and compelling approach to address a challenge that affects all middle schoolers and high schoolers. Online pornography is more prevalent than most people understand, and exposure can have lasting negative effects on the mind and behavior of students, especially boys. I have known John for many years, I have worked with him on other projects, and I recommend his services highly. I encourage John’s approach.”

Kelly Johnson, PhD
Clinical Sexologist & Sex Educator

My cousin tried to show me pornography on his computer while our parents weren’t around, and I knew I wasn’t supposed to see that. I was embarrassed to talk to my Mom, so I didn’t say anything. Mr. Van Arnam came to my school and said it’s okay to talk about it with my Mom and Dad. I finally was able to say something without them getting mad at me.”

This is a story from a 12 year-old girl.
I hear them all of the time at events. Believe it or not these experiences are surprisingly common.

The reality is underage American children view over 460 pornographic videos every second of every day. As adults and parents, we can and MUST do better to curb exposure. Even a small reduction in exposure (10%) translates to hundreds of millions of videos that are not viewed by underage people.

I believe that we can do this.

We CAN raise the next generation of kids to be “porn-proof.”
Together, we CAN teach communication, respect, and mutual care.

...but we’ll need to build a movement to make this work.
One family at a time.

I’d love for you to be by my side.
Are you in?

YES, I'M READY!

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The Third Talk™ helps initiate conversations between parents and their young people regarding avoiding exposure to online pornography;
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